E-MASQL8: A Cure for the Common Boy

Does your son act too much like a little boy?
Is he fidgety and rambunctious?
Does he have trouble listening or have a puerile sense of humor?
Is he easily distracted?
Does he have a propensity to get dirty?
Does he enjoy playing with violent toys?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, then it might be time to medicate your son. Even if he doesn't have ADD or ADHD, you'll most certainly agree that he's annoying.

Well, now you can curb the boyish tendencies in your son and make him almost comatose in the process. E-MASQL8 Plus has been clinically proven to remove in boys all signs of unwanted boyishness. You'll never have to deal with snips, snails, or puppy-dog tails again.

E-MASQ8 Plus: A Cure for the Common Boy

This ad is on the back cover of the current Salvo magazine. I laughed over it, tossed it onto the coffee table, and went about my business.

A couple of hours later I saw our eleven-year-old examining it, his eyes wide.

"Hey!" he called to his nine-year-old brother. "Come look at this!"

They bent over it together and conferred with great seriousness.

"What's puerile?" the older boy muttered.

"I don't know ... what's comatose? Hey, look at those pills--they're pink."

"That face he's making--that's just like your monster face."

"No it isn't! With my monster face, I go like this..."

The older boy looked up and caught me watching from the doorway. I tried for a deadpan expression, but I've never been a good poker player.

"It's a JOKE!" he shouted with relief, deafening his brother, and then they laughed themselves silly.

When I told them what "E-MASQL8" means they laughed even harder--then spent an hour scouring Salvo for other fake ads, clasping themselves protectively all the while.

Here's the corresponding inside article--S.T. Karnick's discussion of Girly Men: The Media's Attack on Masculinity.